Day 8: Xiushan SWI, the rest of the story
It was a cold and rainy morning. It was if God felt the weight on my heart and was shedding tears along with me. Shawna was a bit anxious- she had a “special” hair style that she wanted and spent extra time selecting her outfit for the day. I was a bit surprised that Sara was equally anxious… it was a high maintenance morning for all of us. Filled with mixed emotions. Tension. And anxiety.
Eventually, we got it all together. Dan braided Shawna's hair. We gathered our gifts for the orphanage - a collection of Malley’s chocolate and candy, art supplies, puzzles and donated backpacks.. and headed out the door.
The Xiushan orphanage was about a 10 minute drive from the hotel. We passed several markets along the way and got a glimpse of the locals.
The streets were really narrow as we made our approach. It felt more like we were driving through a back alley. But then, I saw it. I recognized the building immediately. Worn white and red paint. Laundry hanging to dry. And faded Chinese characters on the awning.
We were at the front gate of the orphanage.
While we didn't plan it this way, I was struck by the irony of our timing. My heart was in pieces as Shawna stood, smiling and proud, at the front gate. It was eight years ago, on June 16, 2008, that she first came to this place. Wrapped in a blanket. And found in a basket. At this very same place. The front gate of the Xiushan orphanage. She was only 4 months old.
The lump in my throat was nearly suffocating . And the tears flowed instantly. I struggled to breathe. And the only words that I could mutter was a small whisper to Dan …”I can't do this…”
The orphanage director met us in the alcove and we made our way to her office. A few quick introductions, an offering of tea, and we found ourselves looking at Shawna’s original file. Some of the information we already have from the referral documents. But not this.
Her intake picture.
Or this.
Her little baby footprint had me clutching my heart.
I felt physical pain.
I did my best to maintain some level of composure. It was so much harder than I could have ever imagined. The director has been there for 17 years. She named Shawna (Hua you), as she does all the babies that come through the gates. Through Michael, we told Shawna's story. She asked about her health. And school. And sports.
We assured her that Shawna is doing quite well.
She gave both the girls a bouquet of white jasmine flowers, we took a few more pictures, and headed out to see the rest of the facility.
The halls are dark. And the paint is peeling.
Laundry hangs on the line and piles of old baby toys fill every corner.
There are only 3 children here now. In mid 2000s, there were over 100 babies in this space. Now, almost all of the children are transferred to the new city orphanage, Love Manor (in Chongqing).
We see the Nanny- the same caregiver that brought Shawna to us in 2009. Shawna smiles a BIG smile as she hugs her and poses for a picture.
Only 2 of the children are here today. The third is in school. The little girl is 6. She has dwarfism.
She has been matched with an American family and will be adopted next week. She's been here for 5 years. I'm not sure why it's been so long.
The little boy is 4.
His mother has mental illness and is unable to care for him. His father is missing. Because his natural parents are known, he is not eligible for adoption. He will grow up here… in the orphanage.
The children are timid as first, but they warmed up pretty quickly. The nanny had music playing on her iPhone. And eventually, they were dancing around to “where is thumper, where is thumper…”
The room is dark and small. A tiny window. A few beds. And some toys.
It's not terrible big for playing and sleeping. The orphanage director brought the bag of salty water taffy so the kids, especially the little boy, were enamoured with the thought of candy!
We spent some time interacting and playing with the children. The little girl laughed and giggled as she danced around the directors leg.
She showed me pictures of her new family in the book they sent to her.
Played some more on Dan'sphone
At one point, I was squatting down to take a picture and she brought me a stool and told me to sit. 😁 (Well, I think that is what she said. I graciously complied!)
Both kids loved my camera. They took many pictures, most of them fabulously uncentered and likely out of focus. But they giggled and laughed every time the shutter clicked.
Once everyone warmed up a bit, we shared Shawna's story with her nanny. Shawna bravely showed her scar.
The nanny held Shawna close, and constantly stroked Shawna's cheek as we assured her that Shawna is strong. And healthy. And wickedly smart. Her heart is fixed and she is thriving. The nanny’s eyes filled with tears. And the giant lump in my throat retuned.
We asked to see the baby room- the place that Shawna spent a year of her life.
But, it's bolted closed now. All we can see from the dusty window is a stack of cribs. The space can't be much bigger than our family room. I can't imagine it filled with so many babies. There is open space right outside of the baby room that doubles as a walk-way and storage space.
In Shawna's day, they used it to line up baby walkers.
Supposedly, this was the bath area. The large light was used to keep the babies warm.
Overall, the layout of the facility reminded me of an old hotel with an outside entrance to every room. All the open space makes me wonder what it must be like here in the winter. They don't get the extreme temperatures of Beijing, but it certainly gets cold.
The rest of the facility is used as a retirement home for the elderly.
I'm unsure of the current number of residents, but it certainly out numbers the children.
Our visit lasted about two hours, and it was coming an end. We took some final pictures of the building and the courtyard below.
And made our way back to the alcove by the entrance. Our van was already there, waiting for us.
I wasn't quite sure how to express the words that were running through my head as we prepared to leave. As we said goodbye, I somehow managed to squeak out a “thank you….thank you for taking such good care of our girl ...”
Shawna smiled BIG.
And hugged the director with a giant bear hug.
And I crumbled to tears. Again. So grateful for this opportunity. So proud of Shawna. And so incredibly blessed
