It feels the same

We are at T minus two hours until we get our girl. I am a nervous, emotional wreck. It's a little embarassing actually. But, it feels very similar to Sara's birth. Because Sara was a scheduled section, I knew exactly when she would arrive and was exceptionally anxious the entire morning, pacing, crabby, etc. Really, the only difference this round? I'm not in a goofy hospital gown with a bunch of IVs protruding from my hand and I can lay on my back without my belly crushing my lungs!!! I was pacing the floors this morning, waiting for 10 am to arrive, emotional and a wee bit crabby.

At 10 am, we met with our guide, Mike. He helped us process all of our pre-adoption paperwork. Within all the documents, we had to promise to never abuse or abandon our daughter three times. Really. That exact verbiage was written in three different documents. Mike also presented us with a copy of her 'finding ad' from the Chongqing Legal Newspaper. It was an ad, dated 7/21/08, looking for her parents...a mugshot of her with a brief description. Even though I couldn't actually read it, I got all misty looking at it.

I can't help thinking about her parents... how awful it must have been to leave her at the gate of the SWI. I can't imagine having to make that choice, yet so many Chinese mothers are forced to abandon their daughters. And, in just a few short days, she will be half a world away from Xiushan. Half a world away from her birth parents, her heritage, and everything that she has ever known. My heart aches for her birth mother. My heart bleeds for our daughter. Its going to be such a scary day for her. Leaving the orphanage. An 8 hour train ride. Strange people. A strange hotel. A different bed. No other kids. A language she doesn't understand. And circumstances she doesn't understand.

I'm excited and anxious... But ultimately just really worried about our little girl. And I am just praying that we can find a way to comfort her thru this transition.
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